Romance novels are a word ghetto of nonsensical WTF. This Tumblr celebrates that.

Posts Tagged: The Thing You Can't Unsee

"Gregory knew a thing or two about women, the most important of which was that it was always a good idea to befriend the friend, provided they were friends, and not just that odd thing women did where they pretend to be friends and were actually just waiting for the perfect moment to knife each other in the ribs."

-

On the Day to the Wedding by Julia Quinn (via sweetbaginaaaah)

Ah Jesus. Look, I know your first instinct is that bitches ain’t shit, Julia Quinn, but if you have friends who you want to stab you need to reexamine your life. This is a public service announcement from stfuromancenovels.

Also, don’t befriend your wish-she-was-your-girlfriend’s friends in an effort to get closer to her. That’s some weird shit. 

(via sweetbagina-deactivated20111109)

Source: sweetbagina

"Do you always go braless at home? Riley inhaled the sugary aroma of her girl flesh."

-

The Girl Most Likely To… by Susan Donovan. 

You know what would make this quote better? A great big steaming pile of absolutely fucking nothing. 

If you’ll excuse me, I have to go make some cookies with my sugary girl flesh.

"Rick had been exposed to many females in his lifetime and none had ever shaken him so badly."

-

The Playboy by Carly Phillips

THEY EAT FLESH. POSSIBLY WITH THEIR VAGINAS.

The best thing about this is that he doesn’t specify human females, so we’re left wondering if he’s ever been almost as shaken by a lady dog or aardvark. 

Text

Get us something to drink and we can indulge, women-style.

- Pearl in The Playboy by Carly Phillips

Pearl, the wackadoo elderly neighbour in Carly Phillips’ The Playboy, is so kind to demonstrate The Thing You Can’t Unsee about romance novels. Which is that they throw around the words ‘women’ and ‘female’ as though the reader has never before been introduced to the concept of gender. It would make a great drinking game, if your idea of a great drinking game involves sitting alone in your bedroom reading The Playboy and doing shots of the leftover peppermint schnapps you keep for “flavouring”. 

Pearl is one of my favourite examples for the sheer WTF of the made-up phrase “women-style”. Not only is it awkward, but doesn’t everything a woman does by sheer definition occur women-style? I’m about to become even more annoying to be around because I can’t stop saying it. 

“Let’s carpool to work…women-style.” 

“Emily dropped her phone in the toilet, women-style.”

“I think I just sharted, women-style!“ 

Here’s another fun example from The Playboy. I want you to think about the last time you said ‘female’ in casual conversation. Hint: it was never. But romance novelists love that shit, you guys, they love it so hard.

“That was silly. You wouldn’t be interested in female jewellery.”

Well I guess I’ll take my female ball and go female home. Women-style.